Waddup. 

Been a minute since I openly blogged. So...hi. I'm alive. 

It's 2014! Ya'll broke your resolutions already, I know. I stopped making resolutions cause 99.99% of the time...I never follow through. If I would have followed through...I'd be famous. But I'm not. I'm here talking to the good people of the internet. 

I don't normally set expectations for myself. I don't know why. I should. Then again...if I fail to live up to other's expectations...why would I live up to my own? 

Answer: CAUSE I CAN. 

I'm smarter than I seem actually. People who don't really know me can easily look at my Twitter and consider me stupid but...I'm a deep ass individual. I refuse to let grades define my intelligence. Not that I'm failing anything but it's stupid that a number defines who you are intelligence-wise.

Okay. I'm done talking about academics cause I have alot of shit to address. 

Number 1. It is 9 days into 2014 and my year has SUCKED. Shit is all about circumstance. I must have had a fucked up previous life before this one because son...all the bad karma is hitting me at once. I mean all of it. It's like karma is just up there waiting for shit to align in my life so that I'm finally happy so she can do whatever the fuck she does to ruin it. I digress though, I had a girl. Don't got her no more. That's pretty much it. Circumstances had it that she can't date me no more and I guess I respect that. I ain't happy bout it but I gotta accept it. 

Old Tyler woulda been like "NAH YO FUCK THIS.. I HATE LIFE I HATE FEELINGS I HATE BIRDS I HATE THE SKY I HATE VENDING MACHINES AND I HATE EVERYTHING." I had to add vending machines in there because last week I went to buy a soda out of a vending machine and it took my money and I never got my soda. I was sad that day, but that doesn't matter. 

Am I sad right now about this whole situation? Yes. Am I angry? Yes. Will I dwell on it longer than I need to? Probably. Will I let it get to the point where I shut down completely and live like a hermit again? Nope. 

I don't like negativity at all. I don't like the aura of it. So I'm really trying not to be as sad about this as I normally would...shit doesn't always work out though. 

Blogging is one thing I do really well, and it's due to my lack of actually having formal conversation with people that I feel like I can sit here and ramble for 18 paragraphs not knowing who'll read it. It comes with the territory of having a blog though. This is a misleading post. 

I should give ya'll some of my goals/expectations for this year because I need to go back at laugh at these when I don't accomplish them. So.

1. Make it through the year without losing nobody. (Obviously this failed within the first ten days of the new year, but it still applies.)
2. Work on my music. 
3. Graduate. 
4. Lose my dependency on others. 
5. Fuck bitches, eat gushers. 

Okay number 5 is obviously not for real, it's hard for me to think of a 5th general goal because...I really don't have many. I'd like to think that sometime in 2014 I'd be involved in a serious relationship cause I'm getting too old for this on and off shit. lol. 

THE IRONYYY. 

But...I'm planning alot of shit to be honest. With sports writing being my main focus this year, then my music. I should be able to keep myself busy. 

If a girl so happens to come along...she needs to be legit. 

I'm out though this shit was too long. Pause. 

-Tizzy

It's been a while since I dropped some knowledge on ya'll. 

Allow me to re-introduce myself...
my name is not Hov...
lol. I'm Tyler aka Tizzy aka the social ambassador for the friend zone aka the definition of a dude you shouldn't curve but do anyway. 

THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT THOUGH. 

This was originally supposed to be a private blog post but I figured, why not make it public so 7 people can read it and be like "OH LAWD HERE GOES TIZZY ON ANOTHER ONE OF HIS SPORADIC RANTS ABOUT HOW NOTHING IN HIS LIFE GOES THE WAY HE WANTS IT TO SO HE'S GONNA BE MELODRAMATIC AND EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING TIMES 50 TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE HE'S GOT A ROUGH LIFE MEANWHILE THERE'S STARVING CHILDREN HALFWAY ACROSS THE GLOBE."

I've matured since those days...lol. I did get a bit carried away with the description, but whatever.

Let me get to the point! 

So I was standing in the shower doing some deep thinking (as all real niggas do) and I've come to a conclusion. 
Life is better when you DON'T expect things. 
For example, I expected the Nets to be a good team so far this season and their record is 3-10 right now and yes I am very irked. HAD I HAD NO EXPECTATIONS GOING INTO THE SEASON I'D STILL BE IRKED, BUT SLIGHTLY LESS BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE EXPECTATIONS. 

This applies to real life situations too, just had to make a personal connection. 

The biggest thing is that we, as humans, have expectations for ourselves and for others and we judge ourselves and others by those expectations. It's unfortunate that we can't just see someone for who they are instead of who we want them to be. Like when you're looking for a significant other and you have these high ass standards and expectations that are close to impossible to achieve unless you were made in a fucking angel factory or something. We set our expectations way too high and when someone doesn't meet those expectations we get disappointed. HELLA disappointed. The type of disappointment that I had in my soul when Magna Carta Holy Grail came out. That kind of disappointment. (Why you had to drop that struggle album Jay?) 

Nonetheless, things are so much easier when you don't set those expectations and just flow through life. I'm not saying lower them to the point where you settle for just about anything, but be fair with them. I am trying so hard not to sound like a preacher right now and it is not working lol. 

Me? I don't have expectations for SHIT no more. It's better that way because it saves me from perpetual disappointment. My expectations went out the door on November 1st. You know who you are. 

Anyways....how's life ya'll? 
Are ya'll enjoying your Sunday evenings? Good. I'm happy that you didn't answer that question. 
To my white girls, is Starbucks really that good? I've been wondering about this. Maybe I need to try Starbucks to get my rep up within the white community. I am half you know. We can all sit there with our laptop and pretend to have important lives, it'll be fun. Hit me up on Twitter if you are interested. ---> @YoItsTizzy. We can all have Pumpkin Spice lattes too, or is that a seasonal thing? I'm starting to have a conversation with myself lmao. 

But to wrap this whole thing up, the key to happiness doesn't lie in others' hands. IT LIES IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HANDS SO STOP BEING SO GOT DAMN MAD ALL THE TIME. 

Oh, and ladies (you thought I forgot about ya'll ;D) no nigga on this planet will EVER, let me repeat myself, EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR *Chris Jericho voice* 
1. Walk to your house in a rain/snow storm just to CUDDLE.
2. Buy you a Pandora bracelet as a prom proposal.
 
AND MOST OF THESE THINGS ON THIS LIST 

ESPECIALLY NUMBER 9. LMAO

Now I'm not gonna be sexist and leave out guys cause...that'd be sexist.

Guys...stop being assholes to these women and fucking shit up for good guys that actually WANT to have a chance with them but can't because you ruined her outlook of males. 

YEAH I SAID THAT. IT WAS DRAKE AS FUCK BUT I SAID IT.

On that note...

Adios.

-Tizzy

ABlog time! 

*applause*

Alright, so a quick little update on my music before I delve deeper into everything else going on.
I'm really not in that ZONE yet. What I mean by that is sometimes I start writing songs, but I can't finish them. I really don't know why, but yeah. I was in the zone while writing The Heartbreak Tape and The Starlight Zone, but now it's just like I can't find that inspiration to write anything anymore. 

Anyways...I'm taking my time with Heroes Eventually Die. No release date. No projected release date. It's not going to be like Detox...lol...people are anticipating Detox...no one is anticipating Heroes. 

I tend to put my music down alot...there are times where I feel good about all of it. 
Any time someone complements my music, I automatically assume it's a joke because it doesn't seem real. Like the biggest complement I've ever gotten was "Your music got me through a really rough time in my life, thank you." and I just sat there in amazement at it cause I've never really been the type to receive complements, so when I do it trips me out. I dig it though. 

Now on to more personal shit, but before I get to that...

How are ya'll?
Are ya'll having a good night?
It's fall now.
You know what fall means?
Fall means it gets cold out.
You know what happens when bitches get cold?
Bitches want to get warm.
You know what bitches say when they want to get warm?
"ohemgee lyke someone come and cuddle with meh."
And those bitches can find me on Twitter ---> @YoItsTizzy.

Ahem. *cracks neck*

It's some shit going down that I feel I need to address publicly to get my point across. Also because I know I'm not the only one out there that this has happened to. And before ya'll get to the comment section talmbout "OHMAGOD TIZZY DO U EVUR SHUT THE FUCK UP BOUT NEGATIVITY JEZUS NIGGA Y DO U ALWAYS DO DIS TO YURSELF U A DRAKE ASS NIGGA!!!1!111!" hear me out.

Life has a funny way of working out, and I heard a quote today that triggered something in my mind.

"Every action has a reaction."

Think bout that. Every thing you do in life has a consequence. Good or bad. 
You do something good for somebody...you get good karma.
You go out and gangbang with ya homies and do ignorant shit and break the law...you get bad karma.

And then there's me.
DOING EVERY FUCKING GOOD THING I CAN POSSIBLY DO FOR PEOPLE and getting SLIZZAPPED IN THE FACE FOR IT. 
People say "There's no such thing as being too nice." and there is...cause when you're too nice you get taken advantage of. 

Being nice and kindhearted is in my nature and I don't have it in me to be an asshole to people but it's really about time I start. 

Nice guys always end up finishing last so. FUCK IT MANE.

But yeah...
It's fall.
And it's getting cold out.
And bitches want to cuddle.
And I'm a warm ass nigga so.

HITMEUPONTWITTERTHO ---> @YoItsTizzy

Arrivaderci hoes.

-Tizzy.


 

Fuck negativity. 


I think it's time I start thinking about what's best for me instead of others. 

Roll with the punches ya bishhh. 

-Tizzy. 

I'm getting mad at myself. 
I'm getting mad at people for overlooking me. 


Not even music-wise. 

Personality-wise. 

I don't get it. I'm a cool guy...I think. I'm not ignorant or anything (I am when it comes to sports...lol.) I'm nice. I have a decent personality. Decent sense of humor. 


I guess I'll never understand anything. At this point...I just want to get out of this city, go to college, get a job and just live life. 

As for the whole girl situation. She knows. 

But does she care?

-Tizzy. 

Alright I'm pissed off. Thoroughly pissed off. Not at anybody or anything. I'm pissed off at myself. It's honestly a bunch of bullshit that I'm going through right now and I need to stop letting my happiness fall into the hands of other people. Other people should not dictate whether I should be or deserve to be happy. I spend so much of my day thinking about this. I'm probably the only guy I know that has emotions that are this sporadic. When I'm angry my sentences make a lot of sense and I start talking all complex so bear with me. The position that I'm in in life right now has no upside, if any. It's high risk, low reward. The fucked up part is that everyone is telling me to NOT waste my time on it. I honestly feel like that sometimes. Like chasing ONE person out of the billions on this planet isn't worth it at all. There's somebody out there for everybody right? So why the fuck am I SO concerned with chasing ONE girl? Not to mention ONE girl that BARELY talks to me anymore. ONE girl that barely even knows me or anything about me despite my attempts to get close to her and open up to her. You know what my brain is telling me? My brain is saying "fuck her, you're a good catch for anybody and if she's just going to throw you back into the water like you're nothing, she doesn't deserve you." ...but of course my brain's thoughts are negated by what my heart is saying. If I could just shut both of those things off for a while and think LOGICALLY about what I'm doing, it'd be great. The fact that I was malleable enough to fall for a girl with one conversation fucking sucks. Like how the fuck did that even happen? It's not like one of those situations I used to be in where one girl showed me the tiniest amount of attention and I was head over Nikes for her. Naw. This was way different. Never had some shit like this happen to me. At times I just sit and question what I'm doing and what I've gotten myself into. I don't get it. How did this happen? I've said it a million times, but I'm in way over my head. You know what I wish I was? I wish I was emotionless and cold like most people are nowadays. Seems like life is easier that way, right? Act like an asshole and all the girls will flock right? The fact of the matter is that no matter what girl I talk to, no matter who I try to flirt with or whatever, they just don't compare to ONE girl. ONE girl that most likely doesn't give a single solitary fuck about me. The only reason I'm putting this on my public blog is that so people can actually see that guys can have emotions sometimes and that we aren't always the criminal in every situation. Now my decision is either to drop this girl and try to lose any emotion I have for her...or just yolo it and tell her how I feel and pray that it doesn't tarnish our friendship. Knowing my luck....this won't end well. To think that 3 weeks ago I was at the peak of happiness cause of her, and now here I am, stressing. Funny how life works right? You could do all the right things and it still wouldn't be enough. 

-Tizzy. 

So....
Hello people. 
I'm Tizzy. 
I'm blogging.
Again.
Don't ask why I'm typing like this.
It's easier.
So.
Since my last post...nothing has cleared up. Not even remotely. I'm still confused as shit about pretty much everything. I do know one thing though, life is all about taking risks. In my situation though, it's high risk, low reward.




Now...I'm not afraid to show emotion or anything...but that's not always a good thing.


asdfghjkl I wish I had a time machine or mind reading ability or wings....or all three. Ya. 


Well...enjoy that picture of Psyduck. 


-Tizzy

So it's late and I'm always up at this time so. BLOG TIME.

I always look forward to writing things on this blog because it reaches more people than my private blog posts do. So more people can be like "Yo Tizzy...you a real ass dude b, I appreciate the knowledge that you drop on ya blog cause it stimulates my chakras and shit...you a dope ass dude.." Somewhere along the lines of that...I like talking...even if most of my talking is rambling. I get my point across eventually lol.

SO.

Hi. Isn't it past your bedtime? No? Okay then.

2013...it's been a roller coaster. Even saying that it's been a roller coaster is an understatement. You know that part of the roller coaster when you goin up for that first drop? That was my Jauary-April. Everything was calm. I had a girl. I was happy. THEN MAY 1st CAME AND MY SHIT TOOK A KINGDA KA DROP. Every single possible thing that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong. My girl split...my health done went and fucked up...my grades were slippin. Yeah. May was my roller coaster drop. June came around and ever since then my roller coaster done went and did 40 loops, 80 twists and 100 turns. It's almost August and I still don't know where this ride is gonna take me. Like...I think something is going to go one way and BAM *Emeril voice* it goes another. But I digress, I only complain about my love life...cause that's the only thing really bringing me down. I don't necessarily NEED love. I don't CRAVE love. But it's nice to BE LOVED and love in return. I've learned that patience is a virtue. Gotta be strong to not jus settle and wait for something better to come along. Ya dig? Like I could have BEEN in a relationship if I jus wanted to be in one for the sake of bring in one...however I have learned that doing that isn't smart. I've done it twice lol. Each time it didnt work out. One lasted a month, the other... 5 days. This is why this time around imma have to be smart in who I go after. I can't just go after the first girl that shows me any type of affection. It's not healthy. This is just my love life tho. It's complex. It's complex because I think I have found a girl that is worth chasing...but the thing is...she's older. By a year. Now let me just say I am one of those people who do believe age is jus a number...unless you know...you're a 65 year old male wearing a sleeveless sweatervest standing in the food court at the mall tryna bag high school girls by sayin "YO GIRL...CHECK OUT THESE GUNS...THERE'S MORE WHERE THIS CAME FROM IN MY VAN BABY..." In that case age is not a number but church is always available. But I'm not in that situation...maturity doesn't have an age. Some people mature quicker than others *dougies*...yeah I'm 17 and I still play Pokemon but imma be 37 and still playing Pokemon. My mindstate and actions are mature. I've come a long way from where I used to be. I used to think all of my actions had no repercussions at all. I used to jus walk around and do whatever I wanted until I lost everything and realized "maybe this shit needs to change..." So that's exactly what I did. I changed. I grew the fuck up and took on more responsibility for my actions. Now don't take this the wrong way. I still know how to have fun, but I do know not everyday is gon be rainbows and gumdrop mountains and chocolate oceans and shit. But back to this girl...she's beautiful...like I rarely ever do seriously call a female beautiful. Like I really do mean it when I call you beautiful. Like she is seriously BEAUTIFUL. She's got a sense of humor which is key for me because my ex used to slap the shit out of me whenever I tried to make a joke. *side eye* but I digress tho. I'm not into the whole comparison shit. This girl is on a whole nother level of IT GIRL. She's got everything. I'm chasin her...but I'm probably going to end up being hurt in the end...cause...why would she fuck with me? I'm the dude that girls look for but friendzone cause they're stupid. I'm not a bad guy...and I don't look for sex in a relationship. So why am I single? Cause ONE girl HAD to start a conversation with me out of nowhere and charm me and make me fall for her to the point where ANY other female that I talk to doesnt make me feel the same way I do when I talk to that girl. Crazy right? And that's just my love life.

Other than that mess...2013 has been productive. Musically...2 mixtapes in 3 months...working on another right now. I've developed a close bond with most of my twitter followers. Been working on me basically. I've been going out to enjoy life. Rule 32.

Whoever this rollercoaster ride takes me...I'm ready.

I've come a long way from being the unstable, emotional, suicidal, immature dude I used to be.

Trust me.

-Tizzy

Here comes another long drawn-out blog post because I'm fucking bored and I have nothing better to do than overthink everything. So. I'mma bless ya'll with some knowledge. 

It's really not knowledge, it's just me venting and shit but maybe ya'll relate and will read this and be like "YO THIS NIGGA TIZZY GOT HIS HEAD ON STRAIGHT, I FEEL WHAT THIS DUDE IS SAYING SO I'MMA GO FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER AND SUBSCRIBE TO HIS YOUTUBE CHANNEL"

You get the point right? lol

So...in a week my life went from "oh my god everything is beautiful, life is great, this girl is great" to "fuck everybody I want to go outside and punt babies in the air and kick garbage cans and women are fucking complicated." so yeah that's where I'm at in life....punting babies. 

It's not so much as other people making me feel this way as it is myself making me feel this way, but a large part of the blame can be place on other people because they're fucking stupid. 

Like I thought last week was one of the best weeks of my life, OF. MY. LIFE. Til last Friday came around and everything changed. Girl I had feelings for just stopped talking to me completely. That was only the first straw, then came everybody and their mothers pissing me off...then came me over thinking. The over thinking led to self-doubt, self-doubt led to self-pity and so on. 

FUCK EMOTIONS B. 

My problem is that I show too much emotion to people who don't really deserve to know how I feel. I fall for girls too easily, I catch feelings quick. That's me. lol. I'm not one of these hard dudes round here acting like females are Pokemon and shit talmbout "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK BOUT NONE OF YOU BITCHES, FUCK LOVE NIGGA, FUCK LOVE, I GOT A WHOLE CONTACT LIST FULL OF BITCHES I CAN CALL ION GIVE A FUCK BOUT NONE A YA'LL, JUS LET ME HIT AND I'LL BE COO." Nah that's not me, at all. lol. I don't look for just sex out of a female....hell Ion even look for sex at all. Right now all I'm really looking for is somebody that'll be the best girlfriend they can be for me and I'll be the same. It's like...sex ain't everything in a relationship, I wasn't raised like that. lol I HAVE MORALS NIGGA. But then again some bitches don't have those morals and some bitches act the same way guys do in a sense that they don't give a fuck about your feelings and they'll just ignore you on the spot and claim that you were being thirsty when you tried to hit her up everyday with a goodmorning text message or something or maybe they'll ignore you cause you were being too nice to them and always complementing them and then you go and write a song about them and they don't even appreciate it and they'll just keep ignoring you....I digress though. 

I need to fix that problem. It could get me into trouble. Shit it already kinda did. 

My other problem is that I'm a doofus...and I'm socially awkward. 
If you've ever had an extended conversation with me...first off god bless you for dealing with me and second you'll see just how weird I can be sometimes, like I'm not used to holding meaningful conversations cause...no friends, but I try lol. I don't have much of a social life...shit, if I played The Sims, my Sim would have a better social life than me. I spend most of my day sleeping, then I wake up and eat, then I either do one of two things, stay in the AC and play video games or go outside and play basketball by myself. I don't have many friends, if any. I don't go party every weekend, if at all. I don't get fucked up every weekend, if at all. I live a basic, boring, nerdy life. I get by tho. Music is a huge part of the reason why I get by. 

I don't know why people don't fuck with me. Shit my Twitter followers are better friends than my actual friends are and I haven't even MET most of my Twitter followers. That's saying something tho isn't it?

This town ain't for me. I don't fuck with most people's lifestyles and I'm not about to conform to gain 25 fake friends. I'd rather be by myself. 

I don't know man. I don't know about anything anymore. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I want. 

Can I get married to music and call it a lifetime?

-Tizzy.  

2 blogs posts in one day...BITCH. 

Okay. This is gonna be real. Gonna be deep too. I really don't like exposing weaknesses or anything like that, but I really don't have people to vent to about this type of shit cause yeah...NO FRIENDS. 

I have a theory as to why I don't have many friends...

• People don't take the time to get to know me. 
• People don't want to fuck with me because I'm different. 
• I'm kind of awkward. 
• I can be annoying sometimes. 
• I don't have much of a social life. 
• I don't have a car so people can manipulate me. 
• I don't have money.
• Not popular.
  

That's just some of the reasons. Now...I don't mind not having friends because the more friends you have the more drama you have. I'm not the type of person to be involved in drama cause I have enough of that within myself. Seriously, I wish I could document some of the shit I think about when I'm up this late. It bothers me OD. 
That's neither here nor there though cause I really can't control what I think about. I think about the worst case scenarios in every situation I'm placed in. For example...I meet a girl I have alot in common with...we talk for like 5 days straight, then outta nowhere she ignores me. I don't understand anything anymore. 

I have a lot of insecurities about myself to be honest. To be honest, I pretty much have no confidence in myself. I don't have a reason to have confidence in myself cause look at my position. Yeah, most people have it worse but my 2013 has been SHITTY. I went from having everything I could ask for in life to being in a hospital bed to contemplating suicide to accepting the fact that I'mma be lonely for while to getting stressed over the fact that I HATE being lonely. It's a never-ending cycle. To go back to what I said last night in my post, for every good thing that happens to me, 1000 bad things have to happen. I guess it's karma or something. 

I kind of want a girlfriend but I'm not going to break my neck looking for one. Like I just want someone that I have some shit in common with, to talk to all day and shit, go to Nets games with, watch movies with, cook for...blah blah blah. I'm not a bad guy and I don't understand why I keep getting FRIENDZONED. lol.

I'm afraid of rejection actually. It's probably my biggest fear. I hate it. 

As a guy I shouldn't really be venting like this and exposing my weaknesses like this but fuck it who else is gonna listen to me?

I want my luck to turn around lol. I'm sick of being complacent about where I am in life. 

And this city? This city...it's not for me. I don't belong here. I don't FIT IN here. Everyone here is about parties and drinking and getting high all the time. That's not me. It has never been me. Sure I'll drink every once in a while, I'll get high every once in a while. But all the time? Nah. That isn't my lifestyle. I haven't ever been the type to conform. Not ever. I've always done me. I don't fit in with the guys here...I'm not about swag and getting money, I don't rock $150 shirts and $300 shoes. I don't manipulate females. The girls here sure as hell don't catch my attention...I might being too picky, but I want to make sure that I get myself to a place in life where I don't have to worry about shit but paying bills and taking care of my family. I don't want to have to worry about finding friends or finding a girl that isn't a whore. I know it's some girls in this city that aren't whores or total bitches in general but do they know me? Does anyone really know me? Do I even know me?

Like I'm 17 and I'm worrying about shit that I shouldn't be worrying about cause in a year these people won't matter to me. When I go off to college, who's gonna keep in touch besides my family? 

At this point my backbone is music. It's always been my backbone. I've always depended on music to get me though shit. Stopped me from killing myself twice. It's been my heart and soul. I've been in too many relationships that ended on bad notes. I've been in too many relationships period. This is why I'm trying to be cautious in choosing my next one, but do I even really have the ability of choice? I doubt myself too much. Way too much. 

Rule 32. 

-Tizzy.